5years.

6 years ago, I met you. And I don't know what, but you had a certain something that made me notice you. You were my crush, secretly. Maybe because back then you were chasing someone else. Then, I don't know what happened, but I guess you noticed me too? Not even a month passed, you asked me out. I accepted. Then we tried dating, though it didn't work out because you confused your feelings for her with me. The day before valentines day, and two days before our first month, you broke up with me. My first love, my first heartbreak. Then, I promised myself that I would never let a guy enter that easily into my heart. Boy, was I wrong.

Almost a year passed and a lot of dramas happened: we became best friends and you kept on chasing her while I kept comforting you. I also kept asking myself why I stay with you when I knew I was holding on to nothing. I guess I never really got over you. 5 years ago in October, you got what you've been wishing for all year. She finally loved you back, and that time, it was real. But that time, you didn't anymore. Because that time, you said you missed your best friend more than her. Every night, you wanted to talk to your best friend on the phone instead of her. When there was a sleepover at a friend's house, you wanted to sleep near your best friend, not her. That time, you said you love me, and not her. Now, this was not my plan. I never wanted to be a "boyfriend stealer". I was really contented with my situation and wished for nothing more than you to be happy, even if it was with her. But then, I still couldn't deny that fact that I loved you, the reason I have been staying by your side. So i broke my promise. Not even a month later, 5 years ago in November 15, we became 'us'. And then my forever began.

You became my everything. The best part of my day. Your good morning text brightens my morning while your voice on the phone was my lullaby at night. Even one text from you can turn my lousy day around. You know, I loved how you never run out of things to talk about. I loved how you can think of a joke just like that to make me laugh. I loved how every time I get mad, you know just what to do so I won't get mad at you anymore. I loved how you talk about the future, our future. I loved you. And now, on our fifth anniversary together, I can say that I love you more than yesterday, and I know I will love you even more tomorrow, until forever. I can't believe how far we've have come together.

I am proud of us. We've been through hell and back, and after all that, you're still here. I admit, more than once I wanted to give up on us, but you didn't walk away. So now I want to say thanks. Thank you for always choosing to stay. You always set your pride aside when it comes to me and I am grateful for that. I know I am still learning to do that, but I know that you won't let me go. Thank you for your endless patience. Thank you for listening to everything I have to say. Because of that, I learned to be confident of my feelings, to have faith in myself, to love myself. Thank you for five years of memories with you. Memories I will treasure forever. Thank you for being the best guy a girl could ask for. Thank you for being who you are.

Finally, I just want to say again that I love you. And that I won't ever get tired of saying it. Every relationship has their own definition of forever. Some lasts for a month, a year, 2 years, then its over. For us, I know it's far from that. Our forever's not done yet. I don't think it will ever be.

blogging again.

i am still hesitant to use this blog again. But then again, I do miss the feeling of typing out what I want to say. I am not the most outspoken person in the world, and sometimes my feelings are too strong to be just kept inside. I miss blogging. I miss having something where I can pour my heart out in words, because I know I can't do it verbally. This blog had been a space for me and my thoughts of mostly just random and senseless things. And for the past few days, my mind had been filled with those stuff. I need somewhere to put it. so, welcome again. :)


~

Jerk.

Today, I realized that I have not been respecting myself the way I am supposed to. For a girl, anything that has to do with intimacy is a big deal. And I just realized that today. If it hadn't been for this guy who made me feel so low about myself, I'd still blindly succumb to anything he wishes or desires. So maybe I'll thank him a little. But that's it. I just had to rant about this today. Kicking me out just after he got what he wanted? Like seriously? Is that a right way to treat a girl? I felt so used. He made me felt cheap. And the worst part is, HE got mad because I was pissed. He got mad because he didn't understand why I got mad. It has always been like this every time. He just asked me why I was mad without even trying to think back on what he may have done that got me ticked. I deserve more than this.

-= Cherished Memories =-

For the people who had been a part of my life...
Leave one memory that you and I had together. It doesn't matter if you knew me a little or a lot. It doesn't matter if I've tagged you or not.
Don't send a message, leave a comment on here. Re-post this in yours and see how many people leave a memory about you. =)
Please share the memories that we had together.. =)

grrr.

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oh I HAVE A LIFE, that's why i don't go messaging people i don't know saying stuff about broken hearts or whatever. unlike you. anyways, i don't even remember saying anything about "knowing everything about life", so what the hell are you squabbling about? or you just can't say anything smart? so yeah, ok then, good for you. I'll get a life - even though I already have one - and you try to get one too. then maybe you won't message me any more. i really hope so. so good riddance. have a nice life. and if you still can't get one, just go burn in hell. i don't need people like you.

Killing Boredom.

with a survey.. ;)
here it goes..
~
ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT?
x okay, ready? lol.. i was part of the intramural on dodge ball 2 years ago, then one of the balls went under the bleachers so i went to get it.. i was crawling then i hit my knee with something hard.. it didn't hurt that much so i ignored it.. when i stood up, my friends noticed my knee was bleeding, really bleeding.. i looked down and i saw it was cut open..when i tried to bend it slightly i could see my flesh..i had to get stitches.. haha..

WHAT IS ON THE WALL IN YOUR ROOM?
x not much stuff.. yet.. still in the process of settling into our new house.. i'll decorate it soon..

HOW ARE YOU FEELING TODAY?
x sleeepy... and boooored..

WHAT SONG ARE YOU LISTENING TO?
x nothing.. but i want to listen to "Save Me" by Josh

DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN?
x I think it's around 4am

WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?
x 'breaking dawn'.. i want to buy... =(

WHAT DO YOU MISS?
x karen.. awwwwwwwwwwwww... lol..

WHICH DO YOU PREFER HOTDOGS/BURGERS?
x cheesedogs =)

WHAT ARE YOU CONSIDERED [PREP,GOTHIC,JOCK,ETC??]]
x kinda preppy, i think.

DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK?
x Not really.

THE LAST PERSON YOU WENT OUT WITH?
x the girls, and han..

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOGNE/PERFUME?
x Glo!

WHAT KIND OF HAIR/EYE COLOR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX?
x Short and and a little spiky. 

COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINKS?
x coffee!

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PIZZA?
x Hawaiian pizza w/ extra cheese..

IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
x Thai express

WHO IS THE LAST PERSON THAT MADE YOU MAD?
x no comment. lol.

DO YOU SPEAK ANOTHER LANGUAGE?
x ahuh.. too much in one..a little in another, and a bit in still another.. haha..

WHAT WAS THE FIRST GIFT SOMEONE GAVE YOU?
x hmm..i really don't know, a toy?

DO YOU LIKE SOMEONE?
x i like everyone.. lol..

FAVORITE CLOTHES?
x my smiley faced shirt and my big heart shirt..

WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS TAKEN?
x I wouldn't want to.

WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU?
x To tell them every single day in word. And show them as much as you can..

SAY A NUMBER FROM 1-100
x Fif-teen.. =)

WHO IS THE PERSON YOU CALL OFTEN?
x han, of course..

WHAT ANNOYS YOU?
x people who says they're not interested then hangs up the phone.. we're not doing a freaking survey, you know!

YOUR WEAKNESSES?
x chocolateee

FIRST JOB?
x mcdonalds! just like everybody else.. LOL..

EVER DONE A PRANK CALL?
x no..

WHAT WERE YOU DOING WHEN YOU FILLED THIS?
x uh..making money..haha...im working..haha..

IF YOU COULD GET PLASTIC SURGERY, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
x hmmm..

WHY DID YOU FILL OUT THIS SURVEY?
x because im really sleepy and bored.. it gets me thinking so it keeps me awake...

WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST?
x not to be conceited or anything.. most people to compliment me said i look alike with some actress... its different everytime..haha..

WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF ALCOHOL BECAME ILLEGAL?
x wouldn't really care..i don't drink so whatever..

WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?
x i just had my birthday, it was exactly what i wanted.. =)

HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT?
x someday, maybe 3.. =)

WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
x i don't know, i haven't heard that story yet from my parents..haha..

DO YOU WISH ON STARS?
x not really..i did on airplanes before..haha..

WHICH FINGER(S) IS YOUR FAVORITE?
x my right pinky..

WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY?
x no comment..

DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
x it's okay.. could do better.. lol..
~
and it's only 9:50am..the time is freaking slow...
oh yeah.. belated to Harry and JK! =)

Seriously.

Special mention to BF.
Thanks for the big help on Saturday night. you were such a huge help.. and i didn't think it was possible to carry all those boxes without your truck.
thanks for going to all that trouble (again, you didn't have to do it, but Thank you) Super thank you po.. =)
~
now i know i don't have the right to post this because of the whole Saturday night thing, but it was just one of those days that you got me really ticked off and i just had to let you know. Sorry. haha.


Scene: Canada day at the Forks, open parking lot - 4th level, approx 10:45pm, while waiting for the fireworks to start, watching a music concert on the field below.
Me (shivering against the chilly wind):.......
(not saying anything because doesn't really want to bother "guy" and maybe he'll have a clue of what's going on because of the fact that i was shivering obviously beside him. )

Sweet guy response: puts arm around you.
Not-so-sweet guy/shy guy/typical guy response: lends you his jacket and puts it around you.

BF's response: "are you cold?.... go inside the car, then!"
Me: ...........

Seriously.
oh well, we still enjoyed the rest of the night watching fireworks which weren't as half as good as it was in Red Rier Ex. Haha.. so much for the wait. We were there since 7 pm just to see the fireworks and it didn't even thrill me.. just scared the hell out of Choco (my dog).. haha.

peace boyfriend.
<3u br="">

Ohio!

"kapag iniwan mo ako dun, ihahagis kita sa Fireball."


i love you too po.. ^-^
Uber excited for the EX! No work si Ces so tuloy na tuloy na sa Sunday! Even han, who doesn't like those heart-stopping rides can't wait and even threatened me na ihahagis ako sa fireball kapag iniwan ko siya. Gulay han, grow up. you're not a little kid. lol. i love you. =) Anyways, girls we have a problem. How are we all getting there? Hindi pa daw gawa ung car ni Guia so pano na. We can squeeze in 3 more in han's car but including Sarah and Lorlen, if Kuya R's not coming, there'll still be three people without rides.? Wag naman po sana na hindi tayo matuloy cause of this. Ano, any solutions? comments? suggestions? violent reactions? *crossed fingers*

anyway, waiting for the last 2 episodes of zettai kareshi. it's just so.. sfijawonvsnldlsfja (again).. watch and you'll know what I'm babbling about.
oh yeah, Japanese is getting on my system. like, i hear a completely normal world and it registers to me as a Japanese term. it was last week when BJ was saying random US States - don't ask me why he's doing that, i wouldn't know - and he keeps passing the kitchen while i was doing the dishes. "OHIO!" he shouted. Then i said, "it's kunichiwa now, morning's over." i actually thought that it's Ohayou as in, 'Good morning' in Japanese. And there's another one when I was looking at Trisha's album 'Friday'. i was reading the captions and i came across this word: "one". And i read it as o-ne as in onee-chan with a wrong spelling. It's not until i moved to the next picture that i realized that the caption actually says one as in the number. Marami pa, i just can't remember ung iba. But yeah, that is so sad, yet funny at the same time.

Whatever, I'm tired.