Five shots

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Five shots, one broken heart, too many tears, and no names forgotten.

Today sucked.

Goodbye letter.

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Hi.

 First of all I just want to say Thank you for everything. You have taught me so much about everything. You taught me how to love, forgive, swallow my pride. Thank you for being so patient with me, for caring about me, and for loving me. I could have never asked for a better guy than you. Thank you for growing with me, for all the experiences, memories, that we had. I just want to let you know that I will always treasure them in my heart. I’m not gonna be who I am today without you.  

Second, I’m sorry for ever taking you for granted. I was going through all our text messages to each other before you asked for time apart. I realized that I was taking you for granted. I can’t help thinking that maybe if I didn’t turn down your invitations to go out, or maybe if I would’ve been more concerned and sensitive when you started getting sad, this may have never came to this. But I guess it’s too late now. Sorry for all the nonsense arguments that I started and for being so sensitive and insensitive at the wrong times.

I’m crying for the last seven years that we’ve been through. I honestly can’t remember any significant time in my life that you weren’t there. It’s gonna be so much hard to forget those last seven years when all of my happiest moments were with you, and were because of you. I’m crying for all the broken promises we had for each other. I’m crying for all our plans and all our dreams that may never happen. My vision of our lives in 5, 10 and 15 years had been so clear in my head, it’s really gonna be hard for me to let go. I’m lifting everything up to God, because I don’t know how to go on from here.

As much as it hurts, I have to say that I love you. And I probably always will. You are my first love, and I was so sure that you were gonna be my last too. No matter what I do, I know I’m still going to love you. I just want to let you know that I’ll stand by you for everything. God knows how much I tried to fight for us.

It breaks my heart that “we” have to end. But I know, I understand, that I have to let you go. And set you free. I just want to let you know that you deserve every happiness you get out of what you’re looking for. Don’t ever think yourself as a failure, because you’re just being true with yourself. Be strong for yourself. Be brave. You deserve everything. All the happiness, love, and affection that may happen to you.

As I write this, I’m still going over every possibility the will see through this. And I want to say "goodbye, for now". But it’s unfair for you to keep thinking about me. So this is just goodbye. You finally have the chance to focus on yourself. Please take care of yourself. Be smart. I know you’re responsible enough to not make decisions that you’ll regret. I so, so much more to say to you, but this is all I can for now. Always pray to God. He is the only one who can ultimately help you. I can only wish you peace of mind and happiness. 

I love you. 

Goodbye.